Well here goes.... it will be long....
1.
As of yesterday I no longer have a homeless man sleeping on my couch. (yes this was the case. although most of you that read this were probably extremely aware) It is very much a bitter sweet situation. Mostly bitter. Sweet because I do feel like my house is my home again. Bitter because....well:
- I had to practically kick him out
- I wasn't able to see the success that my love for him brought
- I think he's mad at me (because I told him he couldn't drink alchohol in the house)
- I constantly am torn between tough love and unconditional love
- I couldn't understand his mental instabilities
- I feel like my house is my home again
These things have been heavy on my heart. I know for certain that God worked greatly in this situation but it is incredibly hard to find joy when the kingdom outcome seems so distant.
2.
My house is a cabin.
My mother chronicled the event. (except her version is missing a few more expletives.)
http://julielayne.blogspot.com/2008/07/are-you-my-mother.html
3.
I work in a water store. It is by far the easiest work I have ever done. Folks come in with their big 5 gallon water jugs. I turn the faucet on. I take their hard earned cash. I carry the bottles to their car. I shouldn't get paid for this.
The one thing that really makes the job incredible is the fantastic people I have met. It is mostly older folks (of course this wouldn't surprise you. you know me). They all have the first line, "Whew! It's hot!" As if they thought they were the one and only bearer of this horrid news. As if I was unaware that the temperature has been over 100 degrees for weeks. As if the more we mention the heat, the harder it is for it to enter our psyche. But, these folks really do have interesting stories. One guy came in and told me about the time Johnny Cash ate chilli with him. So incredibly random and so incredibly divine.
Lately the store has been extremely slow. This surprises me considering the composition of our bodies. I know I'm probably only running on 62% water what with plasma and all!
4.
My bike.
It was stolen off of my front porch. I had let Jason (the homeless guest) borrow my bike lock for the bike he was using. I thought it would be smarter to lock his bick up rather than mine because he was borrowing it from a friend. Of course I figured that niether would get stolen. There I go thinking again.
I've decided that being a Christian is the hardest thing I have ever tried. And forgiveness is the hardest task under the umbrella. I know what Christ said.
Luke 6:29-30 . . . look it up. It sucks.
there you go.
2 comments:
The hardest part is understanding that unconditional love and tough love are one and the same.
I love you. It's unconditional, and often it's tough, too! :-)
Yep, some life lessons being learned right there. Sad that you feel your love was lost on the man. But our love for other humans is never lost on God, just remember that. We are not always meant to see the outcome, just to do the calling. Hang in there kiddo. Jesus knows your heart.
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